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10 things good husbands don’t do | Blog


This article was originally published onNurturingMarriage.org.

Okay, so you aren't an awful husband. But, there are some pretty awful things you definitely don't want creeping into your marriage. You wife deserves better than a husband with any of these 10 ugly habits.

1) Criticizes

Since when did calling your wife out on every little thing she doesn't do your way become normal?  Since when did belittling your wife, whether in her presence or not become appropriate? Never. Please watch yourself and don't get caught in the trap of criticizing your wife. Choose to see the good in your wife. Compliment her on all the things she is doing right. Next time you find yourself wanting to tell her something you don't like about her, switch it around and pay her a sincere compliment. She will love it.

2) Controls

Believe it or not, you aren't always right. And your beautiful wife is actually very good at making her own decisions (and typically she makes very good decisions). So stop feeling like you need to control where she's going, what she's doing, how much she's spending, etc. Instead of stressing about that, work together as a team, encouraging and supporting each other. Let your wife be her own person, and give her wings to fly. You'll be amazed at how happy you become (and how much better your marriage gets) as you encourage her in positive ways and give her the freedom to be who she is - the most gorgeous, talented, and wonderful woman who ever walked the planet earth!   

3) Treats you like a sex object

Please, husbands! Your wife isn't your sex toy, or an object to perform for your pleasure. She is your wife, your best friend, and your queen. She deserves your utmost respect, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy. Always respect her and her body, and work on establishing emotional connection and trust before thinking about sharing sexual intimacy with your wife. Sex can be the most unifying, fulfilling, and beautiful thing in marriage, when you both treat each other respectfully. 

4) Doesn't give you the time of day

You have a wife. You lucky guy. Please don't forget about her. Don't be too busy to call her, text her, or recognize her when she walks in the room. The next time you see her, give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Let her know she is your top priority by putting her first - ahead of work, time with your buddies, or watching that game. Sit on the couch and talk to her. Ask her how she is doing. Kiss her on the forehead and take her emotional temperature. Leave her a cute note written with lotion on the bathroom mirror. Ask her out to lunch. Tell her about your day, your thoughts, your worries, and your funny experiences. But watch out, you may find that sparks suddenly start flying around like crazy. 

5) Uses crude or dirty language

Husbands, come on. You aren't teenage boys anymore (and even then, bad language wasn't really cool). Watch your mouth. Work to cut the swearing habit, and to remove crude, rude, and dirty language from your vocabulary. You may be amazed at all the other words available for use in expressing your feelings. Your wife deserves to hear words that a gentleman would speak, not a raga-muffin. Buy yourself a dictionary. Okay, not really, but try some new words. Your wife will be tickled pink and others will think you're much more intelligent. 

6) Views pornography

This is one sure way to ruin your marriage, your life, and your future. Simply put, don't view pornography and let your eyes linger everywhere you go. Look inward and decide to choose a better path. If you are entrenched in the ugly habit of pornography, seek out professional help, there are many great resources to turn to. Find a counselor who can help you begin the process of becoming free from this addiction. You have to want change for yourself, and for those you love. So dig deep and decide what kind of life you really want. 

7) Has too high of expectations

The last thing your sweet wife needs to hear is that she doesn't measure up to your unrealistic expectations. Please don't compare your wife's body, or budgeting skills, or parenting skills to so-and-so down the street. Your comparisons will, overtime, crush her self-esteem. Of course your wife should be able to take some gentle, constructive guidance about ways she can improve, but there are much more effective ways to communicate this than hurtful comparisons. Decide to be kind, to be patient, to be forgiving, and to be flexible. The more you emphasize all of her positive qualities, the more she will naturally start living up to those positive compliments and become the woman you describe (and more!). 

8) Doesn't help out around the house

Seriously? You may bring in half the income, or all of it, but that doesn't mean that you should chill on the couch while your wife cleans, tidies, and washes day-in and day-out. Kick it up a notch and offer to help out. Clean the toilet (yes, the one you use every day), carry in the groceries, or unload the dishwasher (oh, the horror!). You and your wife are a team and ought to work side by side creating the home of your dreams. If you really want to impress your wife, offer to help with the deep cleaning the week before guests come into town. She will love you for it and will probably want to make love with you all over those clean sheets you just put on the bed. 

9) Loses his temper often

You are a grown man. Yelling at your wife is not appropriate (or effective or helpful). Hitting is completely off limits. Rage, lashing out, throwing things, and threatening are all forms of abuse. Hopefully, these actions are not part of your marriage, but if they are, stop it. Now. That type of negative behavior simply doesn't help any situation. You can learn to control your temper. You can learn to respond calmly, cooly, and with love. As you do, your wife will feel safe with you and love being around you.

10) Lies and cheats

If you think you can sneak off with that babe from work and your wife will never know, then you're kidding yourself and in for a very rude awakening. And honestly, even if your wife never found out it's still wrong. Don't throw away everything that is truly meaningful for a fleeting moment of pleasure. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it's not a big deal. Choose to be honest. Choose to be loyal. Live up to those promises you made to your bride. She deserves all that, and more. 

Now, if you saw yourself in any of these ugly habits, don't beat yourself up. Rather, decide to be better and make changes. Chart a course today that will lead you, and your wife, to that happily-ever-after marriage you always wanted. 

Photo by Neil Moralee CC via Flickr


Faisal Kassim

May 14, 2015

Simply put, Excellent!


May 15, 2015

Nice piece


May 17, 2015

Its high time focus is directed to he husband too:-) beautiful advice

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